i am 38 weeks pregnant with our third child. our journey to become pregnant this time was more challenging and left me feeling especially blessed God chose us for this baby. so i was going to take this {probably last time in my life} opportunity to blog about being pregnant the whole way through. the good and the hard. it was a great thought in theory. in reality? nausea set in. and it decided to stay put 24 hours a day for 25 weeks. 25 weeks feeling like i had the stomach flu and trying to do life as if i didn’t. and the fatigue. how did i not remember that level of fatigue? so instead of writing, i took naps. and then all of a sudden {but not really} here i am at 38 weeks and i haven’t written a thing about this pregnancy.

as a rule, i am an over documenter. i have a belly book for both my other kiddos. i also have the one line a day book for both E and K. i have over 20,000 pictures on my computer. i still live and die by a paper planner. you might have guessed by this blog, i get excited about writing things down.

now with two weeks to go, i kind of wish i had chronicled this journey like i thought i would. but life happens. so looking back, here are all the things – the happy, the real, the uncomfortable – i want to remember about pregnancy #3…

i want to remember that my first pregnancy test was negative. but two days later i started to wonder again. out of tests, i went to buy one at the grocery store. as it turns out, pregnancy tests are LOCKED UP at our grocery store. in individual plastic boxes. like people used to do with beanie babies. locked up! i stood in line at the pharmacy to have the test unlocked, all the while kind of hiding the test to the side of my leg for fear of running into someone i knew. you know when you want a line to go fast? well the woman in front of me was trying out every pair of crutches. i switched to the self checkout. i still had to flag down the attendant to unlock the case. i am married with two kids already. but that locked case made me feel like i was buying something i shouldn’t be. my face was burning red. FINALLY the test was safely in my see-through plastic bag and i could get out of there.

i want to remember the constant battle in my head between feeling so blessed and feeling so PREGNANT. this third time around was not as easy as my first two. i felt older, more tired, less capable of adapting. i had to remind myself that feeling so tired and so sick did not mean i wasn’t grateful. it just meant this was real life. and kind of hard even if i do want this baby more than anything.

i want to remember that i prayed constantly for my nausea to go away. but when it went away for even five minutes, i panicked like maybe something was wrong with the baby and wished for it to come back. then i started praying all over again for it to go away.

i want to remember the afternoon we told the kids. we sent them on a scavenger hunt, through and around the house. they ended at the crib with a final clue that told them we had a baby on the way!

we prayed that we might

become a family of five.

where would a baby sleep

when it arrives?

E read each clue to K all by himself. they didn’t notice everything all centered around a baby theme. they were just thrilled to do something new and open small presents on a random tuesday. i want to remember my heart racing, wanting them to hurry up and get to the end while at the same time wanting to make the whole thing last forever because this is the stuff i live for!

i want to remember the kids telling the rest of our family with surprise visits and facetime calls. i want to remember them running in with valentine’s day balloons while yelling, “love is in the air, we have news for you all. baby #3 is due in the fall.” and i want to remember my brother-in-law’s reaction and that it was probably the best which just goes to show this baby has so much love coming from every single angle.

i want to remember later that night, after we told everyone, K coming to me with, “mom, do you think you could buy me one of those big sister shirts? and then, when you have a baby shower, i can wear the shirt and everyone will be like ooooooooh she’s the big sister.” the realization that she also had been waiting for this moment, this moment to be a big sister, was about all a mama’s heart could handle.

i want to remember the first two trimesters, adding whatever lemon flavoring i could find to all of my water, just trying to get it down. and eating lots and lots of uncrustables, for breakfast.

i want to remember the feeling keven and i had after leaving our 11 week ultrasound, knowing we’d made it farther than the last two pregnancies. full of hope and looking at each other like maybe just maybe we were there.

i want to remember the first time keven felt the baby kick, laying in bed, and how he obviously knew there was a baby in there but there is nothing like actually feeling it.

i want to remember the first time E actually felt the baby kick. actually kept his hand on my belly long enough to feel something and the way his eyes lit up like he couldn’t believe it. and i want to remember how K put her hand on my belly 16 times a day for two seconds and yelled, “i felt it” every time, even though she didn’t. and then finally, finally at 37 weeks she waited long enough to really feel the baby and like E, she could hardly believe it. she just kept giggling.

i want to remember K hugging and kissing and singing to my belly all throughout the day. like when she left for school. one hug and kiss for me. one hug and kiss for my belly. and the baby moving in response to her voice, probably the voice the baby will recognize the most when he/she comes out.

i want to remember that i might not have been as good at taking belly pics every week with this pregnancy but that didn’t mean i thought of this baby any less. it just means we are BUSY and this baby has such a fun and full life to look forward to.

i want to remember how keven really didn’t understand what it meant to feel so sick all day every day but that he was patient with my crankiness, encouraged naps, and listened to me complain even if it was the eighteenth time that day.

i want to remember how i pretty much had every pregnancy symptom that they say you might have – the good, the bad, and the super ugly. all the ones i never had with my first two. i want to remember going to keven, in tears at 11pm, when i first discovered the veins popping out on my right leg and him saying, “if this is bothering you. really bothering you this much. whatever it takes, we will figure out a way to treat it after the baby is born.” i want to remember he didn’t say that for him. he just cared that i was so upset. i want to remember wishing that i didn’t care about something so superficial, but that i still do. and that’s ok.

i want to remember dropping K off at school and going to get the white icing sprinkle donut i’d been craving.

i want to remember K drawing pictures of our family, always with her holding the new baby {and this one without E even in it!}.

i want to remember my very swollen ankles and avoiding compression hose as long as i could but eventually giving in. even though it is still 90 degrees in september.

i want to remember the millions of answered prayers i whispered minute after minute for nine months straight. prayers for a quick movement so i knew baby was ok. prayers i didn’t get sick in the back aisle at target. prayers i could remember it was just hormones making me feel this way, and i probably {hopefully?!} wouldn’t feel this way forever. prayers for patience. prayers for a nap. prayers for growth. development. prayers for no news after our ultrasound. i want to remember reading this devotional on the day after we learned the baby was still breech and feeling a sense of calm that God had this. and then four days later seeing the baby’s head down. so many prayers answered.

i want to remember when even my maternity shirts stopped fitting. and the way every part of me just kind of looked pregnant and i wondered if any of it would ever go back to looking normal. whatever that means. i want to remember not wanting to worry about this, because, hello, this body is growing a baby! but worrying a LITTLE about it anyways.

i want to remember the texts, calls, and shouts from across the street with how are you feeling? and how’s the baby? and we are praying for you! being surrounded by this incredible village of love, support, humor, and prayer is truly something else. this baby has no idea how good he/she already has it.

i want to remember this pic and realizing the baby already looks like E and K, but especially K. i want to remember laying in bed each night, feeling kick after kick {my favorite part of pregnancy} and watching my belly move in the weirdest and most amazing of ways.

i want to remember waking up to 2am contractions at 38 weeks, and waiting an hour before calling keven at his work conference in los angeles. neither of us knew what to do. i want to remember deciding we would decide in a few hours whether he should come home. and then him texting me 30 minutes later to say he had already booked his flight. the contractions slowed down after three hours but it was the reality check we needed. family first always.

i want to remember imagining this new LITTLE life. imagining what our life will be like once he/she arrives. and knowing it will be good.

interested in reading more at notice the LITTLE things?

join in noticing 10 LITTLE things in every kind of day and come along on my diy, parenting, and organizing adventures. click here to subscribe and receive access to my favorite FREE printables.